The loft renovation had progressed quickly. Already Will had repaired the external cladding, drawn the design for a hand-made diamond shaped lead-light window to be created by their friend Christina, and found a pair of French doors at the local secondhand building supplier. He was able to fit them with the minimal amount of alteration, retaining the original wooden doors as external shutters. As he awaited the arrival of wool insulation and the recycled Rimu (Native New Zealand timber) internal lining boards, he thought it would be good for them both to have a break and go away for a couple of days – do a small road trip.
Will shared his idea over breakfast and it was met by Molly with welcomed enthusiasm and they decided to leave the next day. Molly was keen to have a break from writing, having hit a ‘writers block’, unsure of how to or what to do next with Grace’s Journal. She decided to go to The Attic in the hope of being able to communicate with Grace regarding this. Sitting in one of the armchair by the fireplace, she relaxed her body and eased into meditation. From there she could sense Grace’s presence sitting in the other chair. Opening her eyes, Molly was able to see her clearly.
“Planning a trip away? What a brilliant idea!” Grace greeted her.
“How do you know?” Molly asked, surprised that Grace was aware of this.
“Are you forgetting that I am a Spirit Person? There is much for you to remember!” she laughed at Molly.
“Molly, Honey, don’t get tangled up in the ‘how to’s’ of writing this book. Even though I had wished for it to be published, now I can see that my journal was more to inspire you, not for you to rewrite as a non-fiction. It is not just my story, it is yours too. We have many books to write together. For now… go and have a wonderful carefree time with Will, and trust that the inspiration will come to you. Please remember to meditate daily.”
Molly opened her eyes to find she was sitting in the room alone. The idea popped into her head to buy a journal and write to Grace whilst she and Will were away. Returning to the kitchen, she found Will preparing dinner. He had already poured two glasses of wine, one of which was half empty. Molly sat up on top of the kitchen table swinging her legs playfully, watching him cook dinner, sipping wine and feeling more at ease with her writing. She was looking forward to a road trip, it was just what they needed.
“Where shall we go?” she asked Will over dinner. “Somewhere new or is there somewhere you would like to revisit?”
Will swirled the last mouthful of wine from his glass thoughtfully. “Hmmm…let’s flip the coin in the morning – let Destiny decide.”
Later that night after cleaning up the dishes they packed their bags and went to bed early, intending to be on the road before 6am. Sleep seemed to elude Molly and she lay awake staring at the ceiling. In her mind she thought, “Grace? Grace, can you hear me?” But there was no reply. However, upstairs in The Attic, Grace pondered over a map of the North Island, holding a pendulum above it, she allowed it to move freely. It span in a wide circle slowly, building momentum, then in a oval and then backwards and forwards and off to one side. Looking at the map, she smiled, and knew exactly where they would be going.
The next day greeted them with a spectacular sunrise. The black silhouette of the trees provided a stunning contrast for the vibrant reds and oranges of the morning sun which highlighted the sky behind them. Flipping Destiny, their name for the old New Zealand 20c coin they kept in the console of the car for such occasions, she turned up ‘tails’ deciding for them that they would drive south and then east in the direction of Lake Taupo. Molly loved this area in the central North Island. The Lake is shaped like a heart and she felt it was quite appropriate, being located in the heart of the North Island. Taking their time, stopping at some of the quaint villages along the way for coffee and lunch, they arrived in the late afternoon. There was plenty of accommodation available, and they chose a motel along the waterfront which provided rooms with individual hot spa baths. After checking into the motel, they went for a walk into town along the lakefront to find a restaurant for dinner. Molly stopped by the bookstore to buy a journal. She found one bound in the design of an old-fashioned map. Tomorrow morning she would start writing to Grace.
After dinner, whilst walking back to the motel along the waterfront, the lake showed them a side they had never seen before, her wild side. The wind created waves that broke just offshore, putting on a spectacular show with their white crests catching the reflection from the amber coloured street lights. They had a surreal glow to them. Settling in at the motel for the night, they filled the spa bath and enjoyed relaxing in the hot mineral waters, making it easy for them to slip into bed, and a deep sleep. However, when 3am came, mischief began in the room, the tiny faery-like creatures playfully tugged at Molly, arousing her from a deep sleep. When she first opened her eyes, she caught glimpses of tiny bright lights dancing around the room. Slightly confused, unsure if she was awake or dreaming, she attempted to return to sleep, unsuccessfully. Getting out of bed quietly, she put the kettle on. Will stirred in his sleep reaching out for her in the bed. Finding an empty space, he half sat up looking around sleepily for Molly.
“Oh let me guess – 3am?” he mumbled sleepily.
“Umm…nah, actually it’s 3.33am now!” Molly groaned a fake disapproval, as she was actually excited about writing in her new journal. Having made tea and some Vegemite on toast, she crawled back into bed next to Will, who was now wide awake too, sitting up flicking through the channels on the TV with the volume down, searching for something to help him get back to sleep. Molly sat with her new journal. Nothing like writing on the first page of a new journal! The blank page. She stroked the cover before opening it. Leaving the first page empty, she turned to the next page and wrote…
Already I miss visiting you in The Attic! Today we arrived in Lake Taupo, although I am sure that through your Spiritual Telescope you are able to see where we are and what we are doing. Never mind, I still want to write to you.
Closing my eyes now, I can feel myself sitting on the bottom step of the stairs which lead up to The Attic. I have an irresistible urge to run up them and burst through the door hoping to see you.
As Molly closed her eyes again, she imagined doing this. To her surprise, she is able to clearly see herself walking into The Attic. She sits down in the arm chair by the fire and looks across to see Grace sitting in the other chair!
“Is that really you?” Molly whispers, not quite believing what she is seeing.
“Whom else do you think it would be?” Grace laughs at her. “This is just the beginning remember. Oh I can’t wait for you to meet some of our visitors!” she exclaims excitedly, rubbing her hands together.
There is a knock at the door, and Molly looks with surprise at Grace for some indication of what is happening, not ever having experienced someone else visiting the room before. Nor had she experienced the room in this way until now! It was similar to a book Molly had read years ago on remote viewing, of being able to see into another place through a meditation process. Grace gets up to answer the door, and in walks a beautiful teenage girl, maybe the age of 16 or 17. She holds herself perfectly, actually everything about her seems perfect. ‘Why is she here?’ Molly wonders. Watching on, Grace welcomes her in and suggests for the girl to take a seat at the kitchen table over by the dresser. The young woman sits gracefully at the table, holding herself in a very composed way, looking down at her well manicured hands, which are clenched tightly, her knuckles white. Grace looks tenderly at her until the girl is able to look up and meet her gaze. It is then the young woman bursts into tears. Inconsolably crying, sobbing, Grace takes both of her hands and lets her cry uninterrupted until there are no more tears. Her emotions settling, sobs subsiding, she is able to share her story.
“Judgement. Criticism. I am so over it! Everybody expecting me to be a certain way, demanding me to be this way, be that way, and so perfectly. My life felt like it was spinning out of control, rather I felt like I had lost control, I felt like I had no say in it, that it was being controlled by everyone else but me – Eat this, drink this, wear this, do this, listen to this, read this, have your hair like this, walk like this, talk like this, sing like this, play this. All I wanted was to play my music and sing, but the focus had become about me as a product. That was not what I wanted!” she leapt up, shouting at Grace, and then instantly apologises for raising her voice and sat down, looking ashamed at her outburst. “See? I am not even allowed to be angry! What has happened to me? How did I end up here, in a world where I had no say? It felt like no one could hear me or rather no one wanted to listen to me. It was not about my songwriting or my voice any more. I had become a money making product! And all I wanted to do was write songs, create music and sing. I didn’t want any of this other stuff, but I didn’t want to upset anyone else, I wanted everyone to be happy, as I was when I played music. My music was everything to me, they took it away and changed it. Everyone had stopped listening to me. I felt like I had lost my voice, that it had become someone else’s and I could feel my life spiralling downwards, into a very, very dark place. At first I resisted the pull of this, but then it enticed me, beckoned me and it felt like the only escape. The only way out, where I actually had a choice, this felt like a choice. It became my secret place, my escape from what life had become, and the demands on me from other people. This darkness felt comforting. I would lie in bed unable to sleep at night, allowing The Darkness to embrace me. It felt soothing, like a void where Time stood still. There was no expectation of me here in The Darkness.
I had wanted to keep everybody else happy, because that is what they used to tell me when I was a little girl – that my music and my singing made them all happy. But it had become like this huge monster, consuming my life, and everyone around me, wanting more and more. I just wanted to blank out, there seemed to be no escape – other than The Darkness. No time on my own anymore, no time to play or daydream, no time to pretend to be a singer….” her voiced tried off and her face lit up with a realisation!
“Oh My God! I get it, I used to dream of being a singer, of being on the stage, of travelling. But I never imagined it to be like this! I had lost my dream, my focus, of how good I felt when I was singing and creating music. I just wanted to keep everyone else happy and I forgot about myself. And then the Darkness kept beckoning me… I could feel the seductive pull of its alluring peace and quietness. And then everything felt like it was imploding, I felt myself falling into that spiral of darkness. From within that place of darkness I could see a tiny point of light, and I kept reaching for it, but it appeared to be on the other side of a huge cavern of Darkness. And then one day, I gave up, I let go, I let go of everything, the ultimate surrender. The doctor had prescribed me medicine to help me sleep, and each night I was finding I needed more and more, until one night in frustration, I swallowed the whole bottle of pills. I felt myself slipping into the Darkness, so comfortable, so soothing…..Now I know that the light on the other side of The Darkness was my soul, calling me. Now I know why I did it, I had become so disconnected from my soul, lost. And I realised that my soul never dies, because here I am!” she opens her arms wide and smiles.
Now I can see the effects of me shutting off from everyone. If only I had spoken up for myself, just shared how I was feeling with someone. But I felt there was no one prepared to sit and listen to me, everyone was way too busy.”
She looks up at Grace with such depth and meaning in her amazing brilliant blue-green eyes, like iridescent pools of tropical water. The moment takes Molly’s breath away. The young woman’s energy is vibrant and she starts to hum a song. Not audibly at first, more from within, like a strong vibration, which begins to resonate into a hum deep within her throat. She closes her eyes and allows the hum to grow, her body swaying to an imaginary tune coming from within. Her foot starts to swing as the energy of her humming begins to grow and move through her body, bringing her to her feet in fluid, graceful movements, with such gentleness and ease. Like a light breeze shifting autumn leaves, or rippling through tall summer grasses in a field, or the gentle, rhythmic lapping of waves on a lake, she had become like the essence of Nature, she had become sound, she had become music. Her humming intensifies into verbalised sounds, otherworldly – the voice of an angel. As she sings, she begins dancing slowly. Grace and Molly are spellbound, captivated by her energy. From within her chest there is a light that glows, filling her being completely, resonating outwards, higher and higher, filling the room with her presence. Looking down at the two women, she whispers “Thank you!” And with a burst of intense light, she is gone.
Grace and Molly are left speechless, almost breathless, unable to move. The spell of this angel’s presence hangs in the room, embracing them with immense love. Her gratitude was tangible, the love resonating through the sound of her voice that had filled the room, lingering like the fragrance of the trail of blossoms she had left behind her. Molly closes her eyes, taking in the moment. This young woman was truly Beauty personified.
“Now can you begin to understand the magic that happens in this little room?” Grace asks. Molly did not know what to say!
Then the energy in the room shifted, she senses her body getting heavier and heavier and when her eyes opened again Molly found herself sitting in the bed in the motel, Will asleep next to her. The remote had slipped out of his hand, the TV still turned on. She smiled, amazed at the otherworldly experience she had just had, and eager for more. Molly opened her journal and began to write what she had just witnessed.